Abigail
by AnInnocentBystander
Summary: "Where did your fascination with the macabre come from?" Why is Richard Castle obsessed with the macabre?
1. Prologue

"_You made that up?"_

"_It's what I do!"_

"_You know what? You are so getting it for that one."_

Vampire Weekend

**17 July 1989 **

"Rick your home," Abigail "Abby" Rodgers yelled as she vaulted off the couch and tackled her older brother in a hug.

"It's good to see you too Abby, I've missed you," Rick Rodgers said as he hugged his little sister and all he could think was that it had been too long since he had last seen her. "So, how was mother?"

"Not bad actually," Abby said as she released him of her death grip and the two started walking to Rick's bedroom each with an arm wrapped around the other. "It was actually kind of nice having time with just her and me, but I've missed you, and I realized over this past month I have no idea how I'm going to deal with you leaving for college in the fall. So, I've come up with a solution."

"Oh, you have, have you, even thought I'm still going to be in the same city," Rick asked smirking at his little sister, he truly had missed her.

"Don't confuse me with your logic," she said making Rick double over in laughter.

"Well what is your plan oh great one," he said sarcastically, making Abby hit his arm.

"I'll just stow away in your suitcase," Abby said so matter-of-factly that Rick knew a part of her was dead serious.

"Of course that's not going to arouse any problems," Abby pouted up at her brother when he said that, making Rick full out laugh, he forgot how much Abby made him laugh until he had left her.

"I see now, you're this hot-shot college student, with a new girl, who doesn't need his little sister anymore," Abby dramatically stated putting her hand against her heart, she definitely took after Martha Rodgers, there wasn't ever a doubt in Richard Rodgers mind about that.

"I'll always need you Abby Bear," Rick said pulling his sister to her feet and giving her a hug, kissing the top of her head. "How about tonight we go out, dinner and a movie?"

"Sounds perfect," Abby then leaned up and gave him a kiss on his cheek.

_Later that night…_

"So what movie do you want to see Abby?" Rick asked as they stood in front of the theater his arm around her shoulders.

"That's a rhetorical question right," Abby looked up at Rick like he was a moron, which usually he did act a little moronic.

"Of course, Indiana Jones, I should've known," he chuckled as the two walked up to the window, but Rick stopped suddenly when he saw Megan Todd, making Abby roll her eyes at him.

"Go and ask her."

"No."

"Go."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"God, we both know you want to see her."

"I have no idea what you are talking about."

"Okay, that may work on someone who doesn't know you but I do, so go and ask her." Abby was getting frustrated at her brother, boys they could be so dense sometimes, Abby thought.

"But tonight was supposed to be our night, I can see her tomorrow," Rick argued, him and Abby were always close and he hated to cut time short with her.

"I don't mind Rick, really, and if you don't ask her I'm going to," Abby threatened with one eyebrow perfectly raised, paired with her signature glare, it was a deadly combination.

"Ok, ok I will," Rick said knowing that with some people that was a complete bluff, but Abby was dead serious about asking Megan if he didn't.

"Good boy," Abby said patting his cheek.

Megan, of course, said she would love to see the movie and didn't mind that Rick's little sister was with them. Once they bought the tickets, popcorn, drinks and candy they found their seats in the theater. Abby and Megan were having a fun time messing with Rick, which he pouted and said it's not fair that they were ganging up on him. To which both girls rolled their eyes, leaned in and gave a kiss on his cheeks. The movie started soon after quieting them, but ten minutes in all three were enthralled and couldn't remove their eyes from the screen depicting Indiana's adventures.

After the movie ended the three walked outside and started talking about college coming up and what classes each Rick and Megan were taking, while Megan asked what Abby was going to do now that Rick was leaving for college. Rick, Megan and Abby were so caught up in talking that they didn't realize the time until Abby pointed it out.

"Guys we've been talking for over almost two hours," Abby pointed out when she looked down at her watch.

"Oh, I really need to get home," Megan said making Rick's face fall, Abby had to hide a smile behind her hand. "Do you mind giving me a ride home?"

"Of course not," Rick said a full-fledged smile returning to his face.

"How about I go and get the car and you two can continue talking," Abby said surreptitiously giving them some time alone that she knew her brother wanted to have with Megan.

"Thanks Abs," Rick reached into his pockets and handed her the keys to his car.

Abby walked away from the two of them, when she was a few feet away she looked back, a smile crossing her face. Abby hated the fact that her brother was leaving for college, even though he was going to college here in New York, it still meant he was leaving her. And seeing him with Megan tonight she realized she was losing her big brother another way too, she could tell he was slowly but surely falling in love with Megan. Of course, she was happy for him, happy that he found someone that he trusted and was happy with. Abby knew that this day was going to come sooner or later. But she was not prepared for it, prepared for losing her brother, of realizing that she wouldn't be his number one girl anymore. Abby smiled sadly and shook her head slightly at the thoughts running through her head.

_Come on Abigail, Rick is never going to completely leave you and even you know that, this is just your fear talking. _A voice that vaguely sounded like her brother said to her. Abby smiled knowing that yes Rick would leave her in more ways then one but he would always be her big brother.

Reaching the car she was just about to slip the key into the lock when she felt someone grab her around the waist and put a hand over her mouth. She tried to fight the man off but he was too strong and a lot bigger than her, and then she felt him put a needle in her neck. _Rick please help me, RICK!_ Were Abigail Rodgers' last thoughts before the darkness surrounded her.

* * *

><p><em>God, <em>Rick thought to himself, _she is so beautiful and she's talking to me!_ He couldn't help but wonder why this beautiful, intelligent, caring and amazing woman would even waste her time with him, but he was too far gone to care or ask. After Abby left to get the car Megan and Rick continued talking about what they would be doing in college and Megan mentioning how even though she's really excited, she's nervous too. Rick just replied saying that she would be just fine in college, making her smile, giggle and blush. Rick did a fist pump in the air in his head when he saw her rose tinted cheeks.

He was so enthralled by Megan that he didn't realize what time it was but knew that Abby should have been back with the car by now. Looking down at his watch he noticed that 40 minutes had passed since Abby left to get the car.

"Rick, are you ok?" Megan asked putting her hand on his arm.

"Yeah, it's just that Abby should have been back with the car by now," a worried expression fell across Rick's face as his imagination came up with worst case scenarios, but he shock his head to clear his mind of those images. "I'm sure she's fine, but we should walk to the car."

Rick slipped his arm around Megan's waist and if he wasn't so worried about Abby, he would have jumped for joy when Megan snuggled into his side. But he didn't jump for joy; it didn't even register in his mind. Once he was closer to the car, he saw the keys on the ground. He started getting even more worried, walking faster to the car, and trying to ignore the images passing through his brain. Standing right by the car he reached for the car keys, other than that there were no signs that Abby was ever there.

Rick stepped back leaning against the hood and putting his head in his hands. He vaguely heard Megan say she was going to the phone in the theater to call the police. When Rick Rodgers didn't see Abby anywhere near the car nothing registered in his brain, he remembered the police getting there and asking what happened. When the cop asked where Rick was he told him he was around at the front of the theater. Rick repeated the line over and over in his head, and he felt the guilt form at the pit of his stomach.

The rest of the night was a blur for Richard Rodgers as the police said they would have to wait another 24 hours before Abby was officially reported missing. He didn't remember Megan coaxing him into the car or her driving him home, of his mother tucking him into his bed, all he could think about was Abby. And the regret and guilt that he felt in every inch of his body.

If only he had gone to get the car instead.

If only he hadn't invited Megan along.

If only all three of them had gone to the car.

If only.

If only…

Richard Rodgers cried that night for his little sister that he couldn't protect, the next day he started to write a book, which a year and a half later would be published.

In A Hail of Bullets by Richard Castle

To Abigail who never gave up on me,

And who was my number one cheerleader.

**I'm sorry.**

_A/N: Depending on reviews I may continue this, but if I do updates will not come quickly because school takes up all of my time. _


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N:** So I have decided to continue the story. And I probably will not get the next chapter out until thanksgiving break starts and I might upload two chapters. Depends on how much writing I get done. Also, there will be Caskett in this story, there is actually some Caskett in this chapter. No I will shut up and let you read.

Disclaimer: Come on, we all know I don't own Castle, wish I did though.

* * *

><p>31 October 2009<p>

Richard Castle sighed as he said goodbye to his last guest from his Halloween party, making his way to his study with a glass of scotch he sat down in his arm chair. He let out a heavy sigh, thankful that everyone at the party thought he was having a good time, which he did. But Castle couldn't help but think back about when Beckett asked him why he's fascinated with the macabre. Castle wanted to tell her the truth. He opened his mouth ready to tell her the story of how he couldn't protect his little sister, but the words got stuck in his throat, and instead he weaved a fictional story.

Richard Castle was afraid of telling someone outside his family what happened, afraid of seeing the look of disappointment and blame that shone in their eyes. Castle was even more afraid of seeing that look reflected in Beckett's eyes, which was why he lied. He couldn't take it if Beckett said that it was his fault that Abby wasn't here today, although his mind kept telling him that she would never say it was his fault. Even though he felt bad afterwards since he had poked and prodded through her mother's case, not caring that she specifically told him not to. If anyone in the world deserved to know what happened to his sister over twenty years ago it was Detective Kate Beckett.

Castle moved his empty glass of scotch to the side table, and walked over to the bookcase behind his desk. Leaning down to the bottom shelf he found the two photo albums he was looking for, grabbing them he made his way back over to his chair. Castle lovingly caressed the front cover of the photo album on top acting like it was an ancient text that would turn to dust if he handled it roughly.

The first photo album started when Abby was just born and the picture on the cover was of Richard Castle (Rodgers) holding his new baby sister Abby. Castle remembered his mother telling him that he would be a big brother and at first he hated the idea of it, but then once he saw Abby everything changed. A three-year old Richard Rodgers made himself and Abigail Rodgers a promise and a vow that no matter what he would protect her. _I broke it,_ thought Castle trying to keep the tears at bay.

"Richard what are you doing, I thought you went to bed," Martha said coming in with another glass of wine in her hand.

"Hello mother, and I'm just decompressing after everything that's happened," Castle said trying to brush it off and he also didn't want his mother to worry. "It was a…hard case…brought back some memories…"

Castle was trying to hide the photo albums from his mother but she noticed them as soon as he started talking, "You're thinking about her aren't you?"

"Beckett asked me why I became obsessed with the macabre," Castle said not being able to hide something from his mother. "I spun a story instead of telling her the truth, I'm just afraid of her judging me, you know."

"Richard you know that girl will not judge you and you are not giving her enough credit," Martha shock her head slightly at her son, no matter how many times she tried to tell him it wasn't his fault he never believed her. "She could be helpful…well I'm off to bed, goodnight Richard."

"Goodnight mother."

Castle sat in his chair for a few minutes thinking over what his mother had just told him, he knew she was right, that Beckett could help. But the gnawing guilt that erupted in his stomach every time he thought about Abby wouldn't leave him alone. Castle continued pondering what he should do about the situation while flipping through the photo albums and one caught his eye. It was a couple weeks before Abby was taken and before he left for the summer writing program. Abby was standing next to him full out laughing and Rick had his arms crossed glaring at his little sister out of the corner of his eyes, a small pout playing on his lips made the glare not as menacing.

Rick Castle sighed remembering that Abby had just said a flippant remark about him, and as Castle looked at the memory, he knew that Kate would have said something similar to what Abby said. Making his decision Castle went to his bedroom, changed out of his costume and slipped on a pair of jeans and a button up shirt. He went back to the study to grab his jacket and the photo albums.

Castle left a note for Alexis and Martha on the kitchen counter telling them not to worry. He left his loft trying not to second guess his decision as he hailed a cab and told the man Kate Beckett's address.

* * *

><p>Kate was glad she had decided to go to Castle's Halloween party. The look on his face while she was untying her coat was priceless, bringing another smile to the detectives face. Kate had now switched out of the outfit she had on for Castle's party and was now dressed in a pair of yoga pants, a tank top and a Columbia sweatshirt. Kate was going to enjoy the rest of her Saturday by reading a good book (more in likely one of Castle's) and a glass of wine.<p>

Kate was just getting settled on the couch, and reading the first couple of sentences of In a Hail of Bullets when there was a knock at her door. Choosing to ignore it, thinking the people on the other side were just trick-or-treaters, Kate went back to her book. The knocking however continued and sighing in frustration she set the book down walked over to the door and opened it prepared to yell at whoever was there. She was not expecting to see the ruggedly handsome, although she would die before she admitted that to anyone, author Richard Castle.

"Castle? What the hell are you doing here?" Kate asked leaning against the door frame.

"I…um…well you see," despite the fact that he had a way with words, Richard Castle was at a loss for them right now, so the only thing he could think of doing was to shove the photo albums towards Beckett. "Here"

"What are these?" She asked turning around and silently inviting him in and sitting down on the coach, Castle sitting on the other end.

"They help explain why I'm obsessed with the macabre," Beckett looked up at him sharply, confusion clear on her face.

"How do pictures explain that?" Beckett did start looking through the pictures as she asked him that.

"I mean they don't really explain, but help a little, I guess," Castle was babbling on and was hoping Beckett would stop him. "I wanted to tell you earlier just I was afraid but you deserve to know what happened."

"Do you want something to drink?"

"Yes."

Beckett left the albums on the coffee table and while she went to get him something to drink, Castle tried to get his thoughts together so he sounded coherent when he told her what happened. Of course nothing was diminishing the guilt that was slowly building in his stomach, but he couldn't concentrate too much on that, when Beckett walked back in with a glass of wine.

"Thanks," he said taking a healthy sip of the dark liquid, trying to find courage to tell her.

"So, whenever you're ready," Beckett said picking up the albums.

Castle loved that Beckett understood his need to take his time, he was also grateful that she was not directly looking at him. He's not sure if he could have told her the story if she was looking at him. Taking a deep breath and another drink of wine he started.

Castle told Beckett everything, starting when he returned home from the writing program. He also explained some background details like how old Abby was and the relationship he shared with his little sister. Some parts were harder to tell than others like when Castle was telling Beckett that he told Abby he would always need her and the part where the police asked him where he was when Abby was taken. Beckett was patient and she never pushed him, she let him tell her what happened at his own speed. Once he was at the part where he found the car keys on the ground by the driver's side, he was having a hard time keeping it together, but he finished the tale.

"The rest of the night is a blur, I really don't remember any of it," Castle said shaking his head slightly and willing the tears not to fall. "Truthfully the next couple of weeks were just a blur, mother had to force me to eat and drink…years later she told me that I almost had to be put in a hospital because I was so dehydrated…But there you go, that's why I became obsessed with the macabre."

"I'm so sorry Rick," Beckett said reaching over and taking his hand in hers. "Did they, I mean…" she trailed off not wanting to finish the sentence.

"No," Castle said immediately knowing what she was asking. "Abby is still classified as missing, they never found out who did it, there wasn't really any evidence. Especially paired with the fact of Abby's personality and how there was no…body. The police didn't have much to go on."

"What do you mean?" Kate asked trying not to push him but wanting to comfort him as well.

"Abby was so much better than mother and I. Abby had compassion, kindness, she was willing to help anyone, I always tell people that she wanted to save the world," Castle had moved closer to Kate while he told her what happened, so now they were right next to each other. "What's really funny is that she wanted to become a lawyer, but she always told people that she wasn't going to be the typical lawyer…I guess the best way to explain it to you was that she wanted to be the kind of lawyer your mother was."

Beckett and Castle continued sitting there with Beckett holding Castle's hand, neither one of them wanted to wreck the peacefulness that had descended around them once Castle started talking about what Abby was like. Beckett was thinking, a million thoughts running through her head. She knew that something had to have happened to Castle for him to be obsessed with murder and why people do what they do. But she wasn't prepared for the truth. Kate felt a small bit of peace in her mind that at least she knew what happened to her mother and one day she would find who did it, but Rick has no idea what happened to his sister. She would _hate_ not knowing.

"She would have like you," Rick whispered out of the blue, pulling Kate from her thoughts.

"What?" she asked still reeling from everything he revealed about himself.

"Abby, she would have loved you," Rick started laughing and Kate was confused about the inside joke he was thinking about. "She would love the fact that you put me in my place all the time."

Kate shared a small laugh with Castle, before she noticed that his face scrunched up a few seconds later, and she knew he was forcing back tears. "Castle, it's ok to cry, I promise I won't think any less of you, and I promise not to tell the boys."

That was Castle's last straw as he started sobbing onto Kate's chest and Kate ran her hand through his hair comforting him the best way she knew how. While Castle cried, Kate's thoughts about Castle and his sister, Abby, were swarming her mind unwilling to release her. Kate was trying to come to terms with what Castle had told her. He had a little sister, Abigail, a sister who was kind, generous and from what Kate was told, wanted to be like her mom. Kate was having a hard time keeping her emotions in check, not wanting to cry in front of Castle. The thought that was repeating in Kate's mind was having someone taken at such a young age and never knowing what happened was horrible.

Castle's sobs subsided after a few minutes and he slowly pulled away from Kate, wiping the remaining tears of his face. "Thank you, I...uh needed that."

"It's no problem, Castle," Kate said putting her hand on his knee. "I mean at least I know what happened to my mo-"

"No, Kate," Castle said interrupting her and making Kate confused. "What happened to your mom was horrible and what happened to Abby was horrible too. But a different kind of pain doesn't mean that there is no pain. You can't compare the situations."

"Yeah, you're right," Kate said looking down, realizing her hand was still on his knee but making no thought to move it.

"Wait, can I get that in writing, Katherine Beckett said I, Richard Castle, am right," Castle said going back to his usual annoying self.

"Shut up," Kate said pushing his shoulder slightly. "You're still a nine year old on a sugar rush."

"There's my Kate Beckett," he said, Kate froze and Castle did too after he saw her face, realizing the meaning that can come from those words. Trying to diffuse the tension Castle reached for the photo albums. "Do you want to look through them?"

"Yeah, sure," Kate said trying to shake off the feeling of actually wanting to be _his_ as the two started to go through pictures of Abby and Castle.

A couple of hours later found the detective and the writer still on the couch fast asleep. Kate was sprawled out on top of Castle and he had his arm wrapped protectively around her waist, the photo album that they had been going through laid forgotten on the floor.


End file.
